Apparently I suck at CSS. After two days of not being able to get the layout to flex correctly, I went in search of other examples to help me figure it out, and instead found a theme that was almost what I was shooting for to begin with.
SO… not being a complete idiot, I gave up my own theme project and will use Tiga from now on (though I will customize it a bit . . . → Read More: New theme selected for Caddickisms