Taken from the Nov 30, 2007 edition of Mikey’s Funnies
~ The brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
~ I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either.
~ He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
~ The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
~ The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
~ He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
~ The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
~ From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
~ Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
~ Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
~ Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”
~ Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
~ John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
The bowling ball one kills me. That sounds almost exactly like a line from a Douglas Adams book… that I can’t precisely remember at the moment.
I also like the movie analogy. That got the point across completely, I thought, and was humorous to boot.
The others just hurt. But still funny.