Caddickisms

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

I haven’t laughed this hard for a while. I fell off my brother’s couch with tears streaming down my face as I tried to read these out loud to my wife. Here’s a short sample:

• If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
• There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
• When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

My favorite?

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Apparently the man himself checked out the site at some point and identified his favorites. Here’s a sample of Norris-authenticated facts:

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
• Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

They’re not all quite that funny, but it’s worth some time.

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I recently experienced one of the things on this list. See if you can figure out which one it is:

Things that don’t go together easily:

• Oil and water
• Drinking and driving
• Fine wine and a Philly Cheesesteak
• Peanut butter and soap
• My wife and parachuting
• Children and obeying
• Weed-whacking 5 foot high grass and weeds on a 70 degree incline for 2 hours in 90 degree weather and the lack of foul language

That’s all I’m saying.

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Dr. Horrible’s Sing-along blog

I made a quick mention of this once before after seeing the trailer. I just saw the first act (which was so popular it brought down the servers on its release). This is hilarious.

Joss Whedon's internet-only superhero musical

Go watch this. Seriously. It’s only about 13 minutes. I thought the viewer email section went on a bit long, but it was still funny. It really gets good when the singing starts. Neil Patrick Harris does a great job. I can’t wait for Act II.

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“Can you tie this to my eyebrow?” [referring to a balloon]

After throwing a blanket over her own head: “POOF! She was gone.”

3-yr old: “You can’t tell me that!”
2-yr old: “Why?”
3-yr old: “You’re not a grown-up!”
2-yr old: “YES I AM!”
3-yr old: “NO YOU’RE NOT!”
2-yr old: “YES I AM!“
3-yr old: “YOU’RE NOT A GROWN-UP; YOU’RE IN A BOOSTER SEAT!!“
2-yr old: “What?”
3-yr old: “You’re in a booster seat. Look.”
2-yr old: “Oh.”

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Abyss & Apex : Fourth Quarter 2007: Wikihistory

Okay, if you’ve ever participated in an online forum or newsgroup, you’ve gotta read this mock-forum discussion of the International Association of Time Travelers.

I love this bit:

At 02:29:49, SilverFox316 wrote:
PS to SneakyPete: your Hitler paintings aren’t worth anything, schmuck, since you probably brought them directly here from 1907, which means the paint’s still fresh. Freaking n00b.

It’s not that long, and pretty funny. Click on through.

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Easily the funniest of these kinds of things I’ve run across…

see more crazy cat pics

There needs to be a Hitman Monkey comic book. A depressed monkey running around whacking people… what’s funnier than that?!

“Hitman Monkey: No Funny Business”

Oh, man… that would have been an awesome background character in a Tick episode. He could have been in the background in every scene quietly taking out the “extras”.

Monkey bomb

(That reminds me… Tick needs to stage a comeback)

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Writer’s Blog: Striking Writers Head to Capitol Hill

The writer’s strike continues, though negotiations have started once again. Meanwhile, the writers went and had a mock debate in Washington D.C. to raise awareness. Seems like it was pretty funny…

– On the writers strike: “It would cost Paramount a total of $4.6 million to give the writers everything they’re asking for. That’s half the amount it would take to get Reese Witherspoon into a movie. Now, I ask you, what’s more important to a movie: a script or half of Reese Witherspoon?” Another of the writers quipped: “Which half?”

Technorati Tags: west wing, daily show, colbert report, writers strike

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Comcast.net TV - Colbert Raises $171,000 for Charity

Okay, it’s cool that he raised that much money, and it’s funny how he did it, but this is what I love:

Since returning from the writers strike without his writing staff, [Stephen] Colbert has managed to get a portrait of himself hung at the National Portrait Gallery in Washington D.C., where it will hang between the bathrooms and near the “Americas Presidents” exhibit for about five more weeks.

The guy kills me…

Technorati Tags: Stephen Colbert, Washington D.C.

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This is pretty funny if you’ve ever been addicted to Tetris.

Mike, you should enjoy this.

It doesn’t really get funny until about the 1:00 mark, though.

Technorati Tags: YouTube, Tetris, humor

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