The other day I was on facebook. I was having a conversation with a friend about where to get little girls’ nails done for not a lot of money. I told her where we occasionally go, and her next comment to me was, “Pam, is it cheap?” However, what I saw was, “Pam is cheap.” I wasn’t in the least offended. I laughed, and then re-read the comment. Ohhhhhhhh! That’s kind of a different meaning right there. Had I not read it again I would have chuckled and walked away. And my friend would have been left wondering how much it cost to taker her daughters to 90′s Nails.
A few days later, we were getting an oil change for our car and were in the waiting area. They have free fountain sodas, popcorn and coffee. (I know! Why do you think we go?) I was a little perplexed when I looked at the coffee dispensers, however, because it said, right there in big letters, “Slime is free!” Huh? I was a little distracted because our daughters were asking for some popcorn and one was pushing to have some root beer. So, when we’d gotten them all sorted I re-examined that disturbing sign on the coffee pot. But now I saw that what it actually said was, “Smile, it’s free!” Ohhhhhhhh! That made way more sense.
Later that night, while mulling it all over in my tired brain, it occurred to me: this is why I am not a speed reader. When I was a kid I had seen commercials on TV, whilst watching Gilligan’s Island reruns or The Lone Ranger on a Saturday morning. And there were ads for speed reading courses. It showed a person flipping through War and Peace as I would flip through a book looking for my bookmark. I really don’t remember any of the specific claims, but what it promised seemed to be an impossibility. Especially to me, the slowest of the readers in my class. And probably in the surrounding counties.
My husband and his dad used to talk about how one is supposed to skim the pages and get the gist of what’s going on when one is speed reading. Honestly, I’ve tried that. And what I get is not the gist. Utterly confused, that’s what I get. As evidenced by me thinking my friend was calling me cheap and that my garage was giving away free slime.
So, I’ve come to a conclusion, and it is this: Speed reading is not my thing. Everybody’s got a Thing, right? Well, I know that speed reading is not mine. I’m still trying to find what my Thing is, exactly. But I know without a doubt what it isn’t.