Let’s Go Over This One. More. Time.

I found myself stating what surely, by now, must be The Obvious this afternoon to my girls. Perhaps it only seems obvious to me because I know for sure they’ve heard this from me, without doubt, at least ten times. Could be closer to ninety-five. (But, after twenty, I kinda stopped counting.)

Let me put it out there again, this time in text.

1. There is a difference between FAIR and EQUAL. And when you are asked to put some clean clothes in your dresser, even though it may, possibly, not be Your Turnwell, that may not be “equal,” but, make no mistake, it absolutely is “fair!” And do you know why? Because I said so. End of discussion.

2. And though you may feel as though you have been treated unfairly (especially where chores or privileges are concerned), it does not reflect in any way on how much I love you. I probably even still like you! So, get over it and let’s move on.

3. If I were to treat you perfectly “fairly” and “equally” in every way, I would be doing you a disservice (whether you understand it till you’re thirty years old, or not). Because — say it with me — Life Isn’t Fair, and the sooner you understand that, and are able to cope with it without bitterness or feeling yourself the victim, the better off you’ll be.


Perhaps, now I can just print this out and hand it to them when the occasion arises. They’re getting to be better and better readers everyday, after all. And, quite honestly, if I have to repeat it one more time, my head might just explode.

Note: I really don’t like hearing an adult snap, “Life’s not fair!” to a child and think that it solved anything. Therefore, I like to expand on the subject a little bit.  But, holy smokes! There’s a limit. 

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2 Responses to Let’s Go Over This One. More. Time.

  1. Melanie says:

    The phrase “life’s not fair”, however true it may be, seems to be a copout for many people, and an excuse to decide that whatever they want to do, however unreasonable, is justifiable because life isn’t fair. Well, you know what? We can try to make it more fair. I guess I am thinking of this in terms of situations at work where guidelines that should be followed across the board were not, simply because someone did not take the time to figure out what should be done. They just did what was easiest and fastest, and expected us not to notice or care. That, my friends, is not fair.

    • Pam says:

      I hear ya, Melanie! It’s so easy to use that curt, little reply; and harder to do what should be done. (I can hear your voice when I read your comment, “Well, you know what?” I miss living closer.)

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